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Love is Blind is a popular dating show on Netflix. Picture this. Singles in sleek, soundproof pods pour their hearts out, forging connections based solely on their conversation. Here’s the catch: it was all or nothing. One “yes,” to find you one true love.
Felicity, a woman who thrived on lists and spreadsheets, felt the absurdity of it all gnaw at her. Tears welled up in her eyes as Henry’s voice, smooth and captivating, echoed through the pod speakers. “Did you already say yes to him?” The question hung heavy, a tangible weight in the air-conditioned silence.
She’d fallen for two men. Will, with his infectious laugh and encyclopedic knowledge of 90s trivia, had sparked a comfortable warmth. Then came Henry, a whirlwind of philosophical musings and travel dreams, painting vivid pictures of adventures yet to be had. Both connections felt real, a kaleidoscope of emotions that defied the show’s rigid binary.
A choked sob escaped her lips. “Yeah,” she croaked into the microphone, hating the vulnerability raw in her voice. This wasn’t part of the plan. The experiment, designed to bypass the superficial, had thrown her into the emotional deep end. Here she was, a woman who thrived on control, grappling with the messy, unpredictable nature of love – a multifaceted gem, not a neatly categorized box.
A tense silence followed. Then, the familiar lilt of Will’s voice, heavy with disappointment. “Okay,” he said, fighting from choking. “Congrats, you two.”
The weight of the decision pressed down on her. Guilt coiled in her stomach. She longed to explain, to somehow navigate the uncharted territory of double connections. But the rules were clear. This was a one-shot gamble, a leap of faith into the unknown.
Henry’s voice filled the pod again, laced with a hint of desperation. “If I went first, would you have said yes to me?”
Felicity threw herself back onto the pod chair, burying her face in her hands. Tears streamed down her cheeks, hot and silent. She couldn’t answer. The question exposed the very heart of the problem – the experiment’s rigid structure clashed with the messy reality of human connection.
Humans are capable of loving more than one person at a time
Its very likely, the cause of population collapse in developed countries is that women have to choose between building a career now or raising a family. They are put in this predicament because of societal expectations, biological realities, and economic forces. In my view, each play a role and different countries have varying degrees of each. Let’s review all three:
Biological realities: While advancements in assisted reproduction technology offer some flexibility, they can’t fully erase the biological reality: a woman’s fertility rate begins a gradual decline in her late twenties, and then takes a sharper dip after 35. By her mid-forties, a woman’s chances of natural conception become very low.
So, for women the “prime” years for establishing themselves professionally, acquiring skills, experience, and climbing the career ladder coincide with the peak window for fertility.
Pregnancy and childbirth are time-consuming enough and resource-intensive enough, even more so if we want to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted humans.
Societal expectations: Depending on a country’s mores and norms for gender roles, women are expected to take the primary role in the household.
Specifically, who should do the cooking, cleaning, household chores, and child-rearing?
Economic forces: Economic realities often stack the deck against families. The high cost of living, stagnant wages, and a lack of affordable childcare options make raising children a significant financial strain. Many families simply cannot afford to have multiple children on a single income, forcing women to choose between career advancement and financial security for their families.
All the above forces creates a predicament for women: spend time and energy building a career or raise a family. Men don’t have to face such a decision.
The solution to this big challenge involves two parts: upgrading how we think about think about romantic love and upgrading out socialeconimic system. The first part i will describe in this section and the second half in the next section.
The likely root cause of population collapse is that women are put in a predicament to choose between career and family
What is polyamory & ENM and why?
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM), which encompasses open relationships and polyamory, is a relationship structure where partners agree to have romantic or intimate relationships with people outside of the primary couple. However, unlike cheating, ENM is based on open communication, consent, and clear boundaries.
I wamt to be clear: adopting polyamory & ENM style of relationships is optional. Also, in my experince, the biggest factors in a successful romatic relationship are communication, empathy, attraction, thoughtfulness and patience. In my view, upgrading our mindsets, communication skills, and emphasizing its importance is the most important factor for successful romantic relationships. Polyamory is the best example of this.
Imagine the level of communication it takes with multiple romantic partners. Can it be done? Yes. People have done it for years. (cite More Than Two)
While polyamory/ENM might seem like an outlier, its just another type of relationsip albeit more effortful. Let’s look at the benefits and the inherent challenges.
Vulnerability as Strength: This is the core of genuine, deep connections. When you leave yourself open to be said “no” to, reprimanded, scolded, made fun-of, or even humiliated you risk so much. Why? Becaused now your ego and self-worth can be attacked. By working through the “hard conversations” together, partners build incredible trust and deep understanding. Also, is there any other way to realize your most personal desires with those you love?
Outside the Traditional Model: The very existence of functional polyamory throws a wrench into the assumption that monogamy is the only path to a happy and lasting partnership. Couples are successfully navigating open arrangements, suggesting there’s more than one way to find fulfillment within a committed relationship.
The Range of Challenges: Polyamory & ENM also require a high degree of emotional energy, work, and self-awareness. Specifically, partners need to navigate jealousy, insecurity, fear, and uncertainty. Almost constantly. Ultimately, it requires much time, resources, and effort.
Societal Hurdles: Polyamory and ENM still face societal stigma, which can create strain on couples and their support networks. Navigating this another emotional challenge.
Polyamory/ENM has the potential to enhance the quality of your connections. Here are a few reasons:
Enhanced communication and confluct resolution Having more than two partners requires a constant dance of transparency, not just with your primary partner but also with your additional flames. It’s a pressure cooker that hones your ability to articulate needs, set boundaries, and navigate conflict with grace – skills that inevitably spill over and strengthen your other relationships.
Stronger support network Polyamory/ENM can also unlock a treasure chest of support. Imagine a constellation of connections, each offering a unique source of friendship, guidance, and emotional sustenance.
Greater sexual and emotional needs fulfilled Finally, let’s not forget the potential for a richer tapestry of experiences. Polyamory/ENM when approached with honesty and emotional maturity, can offer a broader spectrum of sexual and emotional fulfillment. Imagine the possibility of exploring diverse desires and finding intimacy in ways that a single partner might not be able to fully satisfy. This exploration doesn’t diminish the primary relationship; instead, it can lead to a more well-rounded and fulfilling emotional life.
The Bottom Line: Polyamory/ENM is not a magic bullet. The success of these partnerships hinges on emotional maturity, a commitment to growth, and the ability to navigate societal stigma. It’s not for everyone though.
Lastly, whether polyamory & ENM becomes mainstream remains to be seen. History, however, points to yes.
The concept of normalcy is a fascinatingly fluid one. Behaviors once deemed deviant, relegated to the fringes of society, have become commonplace as the world embraces the range of human experience. The following table shows once-deviant behavior as part of our cultural norms.
| Behavior | Current Status | Time Period Considered Deviant |
|---|---|---|
| Women Wearing Pants | Common and fashionable clothing choice for women | 19th Century (seen as improper attire for women) |
| Rock and Roll | Mainstream genre of music | 1950s (seen as rebellious and potentially corrupting) |
| Dancing | Popular social activity and form of artistic expression | Varied throughout history (sometimes banned due to religious beliefs) |
| Alcohol Use | Legal and socially accepted for adults in moderation (can still be problematic) | Varied throughout history (religious restrictions, temperance movements) |
| Tattoos | Widely accepted form of body art | 18th-19th Centuries |
| Homosexuality | Legal and increasingly accepted in many parts of the world | Throughout history, criminalized in many places |
| Interracial Relationships | Legal and increasingly accepted in many parts of the world | 18th-20th Centuries (illegal or socially unacceptable in many places) |
| Marijuana Use (Medical & Recreational) | Legal for medical and/or recreational use in a growing number of countries (still illegal in many others) | 20th-21st Centuries (criminalized in many places) |
| Polyamory | More openly discussed and practiced, though not universally accepted | Varies by culture (often seen as immoral or sinful) |
Let’s breifly recap once-taboo cultural phenomenon, revisiting activities that were once met with raised eyebrows but wouldn’t even bat an eye.
Body Art: From the rebellious sailors sporting intricate tattoos to the self-expression of dyed hair, body modifications were once seen as a mark of deviance. Today, tattoos are a mainstream form of art, adorning bodies of all ages and professions, a testament to our evolving definition of beauty.
Love Without Borders: Interracial relationships, once illegal in some places and frowned upon in many others, have become a beautiful reflection of our globalized world. Love stories defy borders, celebrating the richness that comes from embracing diversity.
The Power of Pants: Imagine a world where women couldn’t wear pants! Shocking as it may seem, trousers were once deemed “masculine” attire. Thankfully, practicality and a shift in societal norms paved the way for pants to become a staple in any woman’s wardrobe.
The Devil’s Music: Rock and roll, with its rebellious spirit and loud guitars, sent shockwaves through the 1950s. Now, it’s a genre celebrated for its energy and innovation, a reminder that sometimes, the most disruptive forces can become the most beloved.
These are just a few examples of how societal norms have shifted to embrace once-deviant behaviors. We’ve seen this pattern before. It will likely be accepted like so many of our once-taboo cultural mores and norms.
In my opinion, no, not by itself. If the endgame is more babies then, I think it is necessary but not sufficient. Just in the same way as allowing women to wear pants was a necessary step to giving women equals rights, de-stigmatizing polyamory & ENM would be a necessary step to truly accepting the imprtance of open, honest communication in romantic relationships. In my view, social acceptance a necessary *first step. Also, these relationship types require more resources for them to work toward stopping population decline. Given that fact, I will describe the second part of the solution in the next section.
History shows cultural norms change. Polyamory & ENM just another relationship style. Its not for everyone.